5 out of 5 stars
Yes! I loved this book! It was so good and so bad all at the same time. Perfect from the cover: he's smart, he's handsome, he's 22! to the last page: "I guess sometimes love hurts." "Yeah, I guess so." This book has it all: hot student teachers, lilacs, another school dance, baby goats, really bad poetry, cottage cheese, daydreams, and more! The only thing it is missing is a Claudia outfit but we do get several Stacey outfits. So let's get started!
It's springtime in Stoneybrook and Stacey is sitting in math class, daydreaming about lilacs. Mr Zizmore calls her out but she recovers and answers his question correctly. Because she's the star math student. Then he tells the class that they're going to have a student teacher for the last month of school. The class all groans, because they love Mr Z? That might be the most unrealistic thing in the whole book lol. The dude's name is Wesley Ellenburg (or Baconburger as Claudia calls him) and Stacey is already thinking what a major dweeb he's going to be.
At the BSC meeting, Claudia has a new snack for Stacey & Dawn: All-natural Crispy Rancho-style Veggie-Rice Nuggets with Nacho Substitute Cheese-food Flavor. I'm with Kristy on this one. "They look like moldy Cheez Doodles." Nasty. The next afternoon, Stacey goes home with Mary Anne & Dawn and they're visited by their neighbor Mrs Stone. She needs someone to look after Elvira for a week because she's only 2 months old and she can't be trusted to stay out of the trash if she's left alone. Confused? I wasn't really, but Stacey was. Elvira is a kid, a baby goat. And the most adorable baby goat ever!
Elvira was all eyes and bony joints. She stared up at us, jerking her head from face to face. Beneath her chin was a thin, pointy beard. Her fur was a mottled gray-white-black, and it looked scraggly and dusty. In other words, she was absolutely beautiful.
We'll get back to Elvira in a minute, because Tom Cruise has just entered the room. Oh wait my bad, that's just the hottest student teacher that ever student taught. A dweeb, he is not. Dimples, slate blue eyes, wavy light brown hair. Sigh....Stacey, and every other girl in class, is immediately smitten with Mr Ellenburg "call me by my first name" Wes. He is "drop-dead incredibly hunkified gorgeous." And Stacey is convinced that she and Wes belong together. I mean, he's only 22. That's not that bad right? For a 13 year old? And he's just a student teacher, not a real one. So yeah, she immediately starts planning her outfits (she gets it in her head that Wes likes girls in dresses so that's all she wears for the next month), making sure her homework is absolutely perfect and written in her best handwriting (hearts on the i's and all), and becomes the model student. Let's pause for an outfit before we get into the over-the-top stuff.
I found myself staring at a short, rayon challis tank dress my mom had ordered for me. It was navy with white polka dots. The fitted top tapered down to a flared skirt, with white buttons down the front. It was feminine, yet comfortable-looking. Absolutely perfect. Claudia suggested...new white sneakers I'd just bought, made of eyelet canvas with lace shoelaces.
Okay, so I know Wes is new to the teaching stuff and all, but he probably should have asked Mr Z or another adult before he did the next few things. He asks Stacey to stay after school to help him get organized (not too terrible). But then he asks her again the next week to stay and 1. help him fill out his teacher paperwork like W2 and insurance?? then 2. has her average everyone's grades in the grade book. After keeping her extra late for all that, he drives her to a BSC meeting, in his car, alone, without telling anyone. Yeah. Can you imagine a teacher doing that now? So obviously Stacey is convinced they're going to get married, eventually. And she *cringe* writes him a poem. It's so bad y'all. Of course I will put it here for you to cringe at too. (Can you imagine being the ghostwriter for this one? Ann comes to you and says, "I need a poem. Like a teenage girl would write. Make it super embarrassing. No really, like soooo embarrassing." And you turn this in and everyone laughs at you.)
I see two stars in summer's night,
Hovering, lost, in blinding light,
Each so dull in heaven's net,
So each remains, as yet unmet.
But Fortune moves in strangest ways;
It lengthens nights, it shortens days.
May this night end, and day begin
And bring two young people back again.
So Stacey gives Wes the poem and he's like "uhhh...gee, thanks?" Stacey is confused. So a few days later, she *gulp* tells him she's in love with him. Guys, I can't even. The second-hand embarrassment is so strong in this one. And he doesn't say anything! He just goes pale and stares at her and she runs off. Then, he completely ignores it all! Like, hello? NOW is the time to talk to an adult, Wes. For real. At the end of the book, there's a school dance and Wes is chaperoning. Stacey asks him to dance with her and he says yes, because he's an idiot, and they have lots of fun for several songs. Then he finally tells her he doesn't/can't have any feelings for her because she's thirteen years old. And Stacey leaves, heartbroken. But she'll get over it. I'm pretty sure there will be some other inappropriate boy in a few books.
Let's end with happy goat baby Elvira, yeah? She's adorable and playful and romps around kicking and jumping and doing all the adorable goat things that goats do. (I love goats.) The girls start taking her on sitting jobs and she's a huge hit and a tiny bit of trouble (getting in trash, running away), but no one really cares. The Pike kids put on a play for her, Three Billy Goats Gruff, that goes hilariously wrong. Everything is perfect with Elvira around.
