Review: "Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters"

Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters by Ben H Winters (and Jane Austen)
4 out of 5 stars

I read this book way back in January. I know, the shame oh the shame. But I really enjoyed it and still wanted to talk about it, so here we are. I can't say that I have a love/hate relationship with Jane Austen's books because I usually just end up feeling kind of "meh" about them. Actually, I went back and checked and I've literally given every book of her's 3 stars, so yeah average all the way for me. I was pretty sure I wouldn't like this remake of Sense & Sensibility too much and especially not more than Pride & Prejudice & Zombies. Luckily, I was wrong on both counts and liked it infinitely better than both.

The quiet story of S&S benefits greatly from the dash(wood) of adventure from the mutated sea creatures. In the water lies danger. In the water, only doom. The essential story is still here: Mrs Dashwood, a widower, must care for her 3 daughters and try to get the 2 eldest married off before it is too late. When she receives a letter from an old relative, the monster-hunter and adventurer Sir John Middleton, offering her family a home on a dangerous island, she takes it, willing to do anything to get away from her dreaded daughter-in-law. The women leave at once for the island, fighting off killer sea monsters along the way.

And the men are all here, in all their faulted glory. Colonel Brandon suffered from a cruel affliction, the likes of which the Dashwood sisters had heard of, but never seen firsthand. He bore a set of long, squishy tentacles protruding grotesquely from his face, writhing this way and that, like hideous living facial hair of slime green. His appearance, besides the twitching tentacles that overhung his chin, was not unpleasing, despite being an absolute old bachelor; for he was on the wrong side of five and thirty.

Mrs Jenning's "high society" takes place in a submarine station dome four miles below sea level. The girls must wear float-suits at all times and travel via gondolas thru the canal streets. While there, Elinor and Marianne endure being snubbed by the men in their lives, get attacked by giant killer lobsters, and unearth the horrid secrets of the odious Miss Lucy Steele. All while mending a broken heart. It's tragic really. The climactic ending scenes do great justice to both the original story and this mash-up...adventure, romance, and a dash of humor. 

Review: "Northanger Abbey" Classic a Month #9.2014

Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen
3 out of 5 stars

I hate to say it, but this book was boring for me. I actually started it once and had to put it down for a week or two. I know this is a lot of people's favorite Austen book but it just wasn't for me. It's a very quiet story and despite the promising Goodreads summary, not a lot happens.

"Jane Austen's "Gothic parody". Decrepit castles, locked rooms, mysterious chests, cryptic notes, and tyrannical fathers..."

So that makes you expect an almost scary story with maybe some murder thrown in, right? Nope, sorry. You get a few misdirections and spine-shivering moments, but that's it. Catherine Morland is the "heroine" of this story, really just in her own mind though. She is a plain, average girl from a plain, average family, who of course wants her grand romantic gesture, just like any girl. At the age of seventeen, Catherine is lucky enough to have kind and thoughtful neighbors who invite her to the city of Bath for the summer. There, she is sure to meet her dashing hero and have her happily ever after.

The first half of the book centers on her stay in Bath and her first time in "society". She immediately befriends a young woman named Isabella who is exactly the type of girl that Catherine thinks she wants to be. Beautiful, popular, and a horrendous flirt. Isabella takes a liking to Catherine's brother, especially when she thinks he comes from money. She uses her feminine wiles to ensnare him along with his sister. Catherine, being a naive country girl, does not realize she is being used and spends most of the story defending her bosom friend. Until Isabella dumps Catherine's brother for someone better and richer. Cow. Add that to the fact that Isabella's brother likes Catherine and is horribly dull, and that whole family can just go away now please.

Catherine also meets a young man named Henry Tilney, who has the potential to be her dashing hero. He was one of the best parts of the story. His dry wit and quiet sarcasm were quite refreshing. Yes, quite. Mr Tilney also has a sister, Eleanor, who is very nice and quiet, the opposite of Isabella. This book could almost be a story of sibling relationships. It might have been more interesting.

The second half of the book takes Catherine to the Tilney's abbey home, where her imagination runs rampant, due to all the gothic romances she reads. Reading will always get you in trouble, am I right? ;) There is a strong prejudice against "fluffy" novels throughout the book: "real men" do not read such nonsense, women must be ashamed of it, etc... Henry adds another notch to his eligibility belt with this little passage with Catherine:

C: "But you never read novels, I dare say?"
H: "Why not?"
C: "Because they are not clever enough for you-gentlemen read better books."
H: "The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid."

Henry encourages Catherine's imaginings by telling her a mysterious story on the way to the abbey and of course she jumps to all kinds of conclusions, especially concerning his dead mother. Henry's dad is not the most pleasant person and Catherine just assumes he had a hand in his wife's untimely death. She is wrong of course and Henry corrects her very harshly. All is forgiven eventually and the two young people grow fond of each other and things look promising.

Then Henry's dad gets some mis-information from Isabella's spurned brother and basically kicks Catherine out of his home. She goes back home broken-hearted and unable to even speak to Henry before she leaves. Luckily, he finds out what happened and rushes off to see her and make things right. And Catherine gets her dashing hero and happily ever after. The End.

Review: "Persuasion" Classic a Month #4.2014

Persuasion by Jane Austen
3 out of 5 stars

Before I started this, I read that Persuasion is considered the "intellectual Austen book" and I have to agree. It was a hard one to read, much harder than P&P or S&S. (At least it only has one word in the title though lol.) The language is very grandiose in the beginning and there is very little dialogue, so it's hard to follow at times. Once we get into the story and into main character Anne's head more, it gets a little easier. And it's a funny thing. After finishing each of Austen's books, I've looked back on the previous ones with much more fondness than I first thought them. In this case, I feel like S&S is now my favorite of her books, but looking back at my review, I was very "meh". I think Austen's books really benefit from reading more than once, which I am likely to do in the future, and I can tell that at least one of them could become a "top 10 favorite book".

Persuasion is a quiet, subtle story and you can tell that this was Austen's final novel, as there is a maturity to it that is not seen in her previous books (at least the ones that I've read). Anne is the heroine of this story, but to her family and most of society, she is a nobody. At "seven and twenty years", she is well past her prime and in danger of becoming obsolete. Although nobody seems to be too worried about her sister, who is 2 years older. Anne did have her chance for true love, 8 years prior, with a Frederick Wentworth, but was persuaded by her family and close friend, Lady Russell, that it was not an appropriate match and so she broke it off. I was persuaded by my best friends to dump my 7th grade boyfriend because he was too weird. I'm still not over it. (Joking)

Anyway, it's 8 years down the road, Anne is still single and now Captain Wentworth is coming back to town, also conveniently single. Anne is a wreck on the inside, wondering how he is going to address her and if he's changed and if he thinks she's changed and if he still has feelings for her, etc...But on the outside, she's calm, cool, and collected. This is "society" after all. Women must always be demure and sensible, never showing true emotion. Psshhh...

So this story basically just follows Anne and how she deals with Captain Wentworth, who is pretty much freezing her out. He is looking for a wife, but "he had not forgiven Anne Elliot. She had used him ill; deserted and disappointed him; and worse, she had shown a feebleness of character in doing so, which his own decided, confident temper could not endure. She had given him up to oblige others. It had been the effect of over-persuasion. It had been weakness and timidity." Kind of harsh, considering she was only 19 at the time.

(sarcasm font, from both him & me!)

They must go along in the same social circles and make polite chitchat when absolutely necessary, but otherwise the two former lovebirds never interact. At the same time though, they are each slowly falling in love again. Especially for Captain Wentworth after he sees another man have an interest in Anne. He gave her a momentary glance,-a glance of brightness, which seemed to say, "That man is struck with you,-and even I, at this moment, see something like Anne Elliot again." Typical man lol. And this other man is definitely interested too. He's a distant relative of Anne's (I'm not really sure how or why that works, but we'll just go with it.) He had a falling out some time ago with the family, and was actually assumed to be attached to Anne's older sister Elizabeth, but that obviously didn't work out. Now he has worked his charms to get back into their good graces and seems smitten with Anne. Luckily, Anne doesn't seem as smitten with him and thinks there is something odd about his new behavior.

There is a brief storyline where Anne and her younger sister and her family goes on a mini vacation to a small beach town and of course Captain Wentworth is there too. He has been courting Louisa, a family friend of Anne, until she (Louisa) gets into an accident and sustains a head injury. It's a pretty tense moment and Anne steps up, being calm and in charge. Wentworth sort of admires her after that and realizes that he doesn't really want to be with Louisa. He disappears for awhile and Anne concentrates on figuring out Mr Elliot's plan and trying to move past her former feelings for Captain Wentworth. Later on, she gets in a heated discussion with Wentworth's friend about who feels love's stinging loss more-men or women-and comes out with this little gem: "Yes, yes, if you please, no reference to examples in books. Men have had every advantage of us in telling their own story. Education has been theirs in so much higher a degree; the pen has been in their hands. I will not allow books to prove any thing." Go Anne! Go Jane Austen! (Bolding mine!)

Of course, Wentworth is there listening to everything and can stay silent no longer, so he gives his grand gesture in the form of a letter, pouring his heart out and hoping for the return of hers. It's maybe not quite as good as Mr Darcy's speech, but it still made my heart flutter, as did Anne's. And this time, she didn't let anyone persuade her differently. And they lived happily ever after, Mr Elliott runs off with some floozy, Louisa recovers from her head injury but is a little more serious now, and Elizabeth remains a spinster living with her father. (I'm assuming on that last one. I really didn't like her.)

Review: "Sense & Sensibility" Classic a Month #5.2013

Sense & Sensibility by Jane Austen
3 out of 5 stars

Maybe I'm not destined to be an Austen-ite. I enjoyed this novel, maybe a little less than Pride & Prejudice (which I can see myself rereading and enjoying more the second time), but I just can't get into them like others. This one seemed overly long; it really dragged in the middle, but the ending was super rushed. Also, it's like Austen was using her first 350 pages to try and prove that money doesn't buy happiness, love conquers all, etc...and then she used her last 9 pages to completely disprove that. And that's my super short review lol, but I guess maybe I should say a little more? (I'm not going to worry too much about spoilers, since it is a classic, so be warned if you haven't read it & want to still!)

Okay, so this book is essentially about 2 sisters, Elinor (the older, around 17-18?) and Marianne (16-17) Dashwood, and their quest to find love. When their father dies suddenly and leaves them with very little money, they are forced to move with their mother and younger sister to a small cottage owned by a distant cousin. The girls' half-brother is willing to help them out with a yearly allowance and such, but is "convinced" by his wife that they don't need it, it would be an insult, they just can't afford it, and so on. There was some dry wit going on in this book, similar to P&P, that made it quite enjoyable. Also, I think the believability of this world compared to P&P is much higher...this is a story about life and the happenings of the common, normal people.

Elinor is the "sensible" one, always calm and responsible, even when the man she loves & thinks loves her turns out to be engaged to another woman. Ouch. "Always resignation and acceptance. Always prudence and honour and duty. Elinor, where is your heart?" Marianne, on the other hand, is passionate, outgoing, careless at times, and knows exactly what she wants in a man...or thinks she does. "I could not be happy with a man whose taste did not in every point coincide with my own. He must enter into all my feelings: the same books, the same music must charm us both.” 

The relationship between the two sisters was enjoyable to read. Neither can understand why the other acts the way they do, especially with matters of the heart. When Marianne is heart-broken over that cad, Willoughby, she moons about for ages, making everyone around her miserable too. Elinor nurses her sister for weeks, even though she too is going thru a terrible time. Honestly, I feel like Elinor had it worse off...she had a more "real" relationship with Edward and then that little skank, Lucy Steele, shows up and rubs it in her face that nope, that's her man and she wasn't letting him go. Ugh, I hated Lucy. But she kept it all closed up inside so as not to make her mother and sister suffer more. 

“What do you know of my heart? What do you know of anything but your own suffering? For weeks, Marianne, I've had this pressing on me without being at liberty to speak of it to a single creature. It was forced on me by the very person whose prior claims ruined all my hope. I have endured her exultations again and again whilst knowing myself to be divided from Edward forever. Believe me, Marianne, had I not been bound to silence I could have provided proof enough of a broken heart, even for you.”

I think I identified more with Elinor, but that could just be because this was her story. If it had been Marianne's point of view, there would have been more action and suspense for sure. But would she have been reliable? Probably about as much as Mrs Jennings, the old biddy-boddy gossip lol. I loved that old lady, by the way. And what about the romantic leading men? Eh, not so much. Edward was kind of a weenie and Willoughby, you just knew was going to be a jerk after he left so suddenly. My favorite, by far, was Colonel Brandon even though I think he ended up with the wrong girl. This might put me in the minority, but I think he was much more suited for Elinor and I think it was a severe disservice to his character to have Marianne "settle" for him in the end. Actually, I think it was a disservice to Marianne too. Like I said above, I was dissatisfied with the ending. The way she wrote it didn't make Marianne and Brandon's romance believable to me. In the slightest. But, that isn't going to stop me from trying more Austen and I think I'll go for Persuasion next. In a few months. ;)

Review: "Pride & Prejudice & Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls"

Pride & Prejudice & Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls by Steve Hockensmith
3 out of 5 stars

I actually read this book back in July (I know, I am so freaking far behind it's not even funny!) but I thought October would be a good time to review it. If you are a die-hard Jane Austen fan, I probably wouldn't recommend this one, because it is very much NOT Pride & Prejudice as you know it. I had actually looked for the original P&P&Zombies but couldn't find it anywhere, then I saw this one at HPB one day and decided to try it instead. I am excited though because I found the graphic novel version at the library the other day, so I'm going to read it instead! :)

Okay, so DOTD (not Day of the Dead) is set 4 years before P&P, so unfortunately, there is no Mr Darcy. We do have the Bennet sisters though and then there are some new characters that are fun and interesting. Master Hawksworth is a handsome young man who arrives to help Mr Bennet train his girls to fight the "Unmentionables" that have begun popping up. He seems like the perfect gentleman and Elizabeth and the other girls are immediately infatuated with him, but he does have a secret that comes out towards the end of the book. Also infatuated with Elizabeth is Dr Keckilpenny, who arrives with the soldiers in town and is intent on solving the Zombie Unmentionables problem. The Doctor is a good mine although a little scattered, as evidenced when Elizabeth ends up saving him several times from Z attacks.

Captain Cannon is another new character and is absolutely hilarious. He is sent to town with a group of soldiers to help combat the Z problem, which he does a pretty good job of, despite having no arms or legs. And as this is the Victorian era, wheelchairs are limited (non-existent?) so the good Captain is wheeled around in a wheelbarrow by his 4 "Limbs". And when he wants to do something, such as scratch his nose? He commands his left upper Limb to do so. Lol...I loved Captain Cannon. And....someone else in the book loved/loves the Captain too. Oooohhh....I won't spoil it for you though! :) I must say, I was pleasantly surprised that I enjoyed this as much as I did. The zombies were suitably disgusting and decaying, the fight scenes were energetic, and there was enough romance and swooning to appease a semi-Austen fan such as myself.

“A battle cry" Mr. Bennet said "is a warrior's calling card. Only it does not say 'Good afternoon. I have come for tea and crumpets.' It says 'Death has come for you! Flee or be killed where you stand!”

Review: "Definitely Not Mr. Darcy"

Definitely Not Mr. Darcy by Karen Doornebos
3 out of 5 stars

This was an impulse pick-up from the library the other day. It looked cute, so I thought why not? And I did enjoy it, even though it wasn't the best read ever. I think I'd like to read more Jane Austen soon, this kind of world and the fandom she produces is intriguing to me. Maybe November? October is going to be some scary Poe stories and December A Christmas Carol, I think. :)

Anyway, this book...I read it in 2 days, so it's a fast read. Chloe Parker is totally obsessed with Austen and all things Regency era. She's in her late 30s, divorced, has an 8 year old daughter (who seems either 4 or 14 at different times), and has a failing business in handmade paper products. When she hears about a Jane Austen documentary-type TV show in England, she decides to try out and of course, gets picked. So she packs up, sends her daughter to her parents, and jets off to sunny rainy England. Does it really rain that much there? We're in the middle of another drought here in Texas, so I can't really imagine soaking showers every afternoon.

When Chloe gets there, she is shocked and dismayed to realize that this isn't going to be a trivia-inspired documentary like she thought...instead, she's now competing with several other women in a Bachelor-esque dating competition. I hate The Bachelor/ette. After that Brad guy (or whatever his name is) decided not to choose either girl, I decided to boycott lol. Okay, so Chloe is pretty pissed, but she didn't exactly read the contract very closely, so I kind of didn't feel for her that much. She has to decide if she's going to stay and suffer thru this or go back home. The prize money is the deciding factor for her...$100,000. Oh and the hot guy and his equally hot younger brother. They help too.

Yeah, she decides to stay. I would too. Even though that now means she is completely immersed in the world of 1812 England: dress, mannerisms, dating, eating, everything. That means no cell phones, deodorant (lemon wedges), real underwear (!), indoor plumbing, showers, electricity. That also means lots of meat killed from the lands (she goes veggie real quick), chaperoned dates, no speaking to a man until "properly" introduced, etc...and then there are the competitions: how to mend a pen, make ink, ride a horse, trim a bonnet (whatever that means)...can she make it? Will she win the guy and the money?

Well, I'm not going to tell you. ;) If you like Austen or contemporary type romances, I would suggest this book. It does get a little dirty in a few parts, but I'm okay with that hah! There are far too many mentions of the "1995 adaptation of Pride & Prejudice" and Colin Firth with his wet shirt. I still haven't seen it yet, I know, shame on me. The ending is highly predictable, but that's okay. There's some misdirection and plenty of man candy in their tight "breeches" and a typical sassy, flippy-haired, smart-mouthed girl who excels at every competition and is here to win her a man and some land, by gosh!

Review: "Pride & Prejudice" Classic a Month #1!!

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
3 out of 5 stars

Okay, this was my first read for my "Classic a Month" resolution. I picked it up at the library and I chose it because, well, I don't know really lol...probably because it's the one I've heard the most about. And I think I should have technically reviewed this BEFORE January ended, but alas, I forgot. :) At least it's only February 1st though! *hangs head* I'll try harder next time.

All right, on to the review...I knew very little about this book before I started. I think I may have tried it before, but didn't get very far, and I've never seen any of the movies. (I'm assuming there's more than one?)  Just one minor thing I wanted to note before I get started: I've seen/heard a ton of people saying this is their "Favorite Book Ever" (not on Goodreads necessarily) and I have to wonder if they've even read it or maybe it's a case like on Facebook when non-reading people list the Bible under books they like. :P (I'm not saying there is something wrong with liking the Bible btw, I'm just using it as an example.)

Okay, I did something different and started updating my status on Goodreads as I read it, so we're going to go with that as jumping off points:

Page 65: "Holy crap, this is some tiny writing and margins! I'm never going to finish this!"--Yeah, I thought this was going to be a short, quick read until I actually opened the book up! I was seriously doubting if I would finish it by the end of the month. And I'm going to be totally honest and say I was not enjoying it at first. At all. I think I've been reading too many YA/Vampire/BSC books or something lately, because it took me a long time to adjust to the language and writing style. It is a very fast-paced book, the dialogue seems almost too witty for me sometimes lol...it's kind of like watching Gilmore Girls (I don't know how I reference them so much in my reviews o.O but it just happens!) set in the 1800s.

“I have faults enough, but they are not, I hope, of understanding. My temper I dare not vouch for. It is, I believe, too little yielding— certainly too little for the convenience of the world. I cannot forget the follies and vices of other so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost, is lost forever.”

Page 127: "I'm enjoying it more now...it's become easier to read and follow lol. But where's the Great Romance?"--Self-explanatory :) I was starting to enjoy the characters themselves, especially Elizabeth Bennett and Fitzwilliam Darcy. Oh, and Elizabeth's dad! He's so sarcastic and snarky sometimes, I love it! But it really did seem like there was never going to be a romance and that was kind of odd. Unless you count the one between Mr. Collins and himself. ;)

“I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of any thing than of a book! -- When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.”

Before I get to the really good stuff, I just want to say if you haven't read this, give it a shot. It's well worth it! And if you have read it, what did you think? Did you go in thinking one thing and left feeling another, like me? Is it in your top favorite classics? If not, what is? What should I read next?

Page 165: "Now it's getting good..."--I think this is when Mr. Darcy finally proclaims he loves Elizabeth, so I thought I'd better put the spoiler penguin in. I have to say, I was pretty shocked by this turn of events. I really expected it to be Elizabeth who falls for this stubborn, opinionated, proud man. And I love that Jane Austen knows that and turns it around to completely grab your heart.

Page 221: "Oh, I'm enjoying this ever so much more now."--After Elizabeth realizes that Mr. Darcy loves her and she shoots him down (hard!) is when I really started getting into it and was finding it hard to put down. She is so sure of herself and her feelings for him, positive that he is a despicable man who has done despicable things, that nothing can change that. And then he writes her this...scathing love letter basically. He tells her all the ways that she was stupid and wrong, insults her family (justifiably), and yet does it in a loving manner. Her thinking is completely turned upside down and she has to re-evaluate everything that has happened since she met him.

Page 299: "Arg...stupid work, making me not finish this today!"--The ending seemed a little rushed to me, but it was satisfying. When Elizabeth realizes that she loves Darcy too, (I'm sorry, I have trouble calling him "Fitzwilliam" lol) that maybe she has loved him for a long time or at least been thinking about him for a long time, everything changes. Le sigh.

“You have bewitched me body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. And wish from this day forth never to be parted from you.”