30 Things I Learned from "Sideways Stories From Wayside School"

I read the 3 Wayside School books recently and decided to do something a little different for my reviews...so I give you 30 Things I Learned from Wayside School. :)

1. Sometimes you can do math the "wrong way" and still get the right answer.

2. "It isn't how many pictures you have, but how good the pictures are. A person could spend his whole life just drawing one picture of a cat. In that time I'm sure Bebe could draw a million cats. But if that one picture is better than each of Bebe's million, then that person has produced more art than Bebe."
   
   
3. If there is no nineteenth story and no Miss Zarves and no note to deliver from Mrs Jewls, then you've already not done your job.
   
   
4. Everyone else's flavored ice cream will always be better than your own. Except Kathy's. "Kathy-flavored ice cream tasted a little bit like old bologna."
   
   
5. "Pigtails are meant to be pulled."
   
   
6. Sammy is the nastiest, grossest, most disgusting student in Mrs Jewls' class.
   
   
7. The green bouncy balls are the best ones on the playground.
   
   
8. If you eat the cafeteria food, weird things will happen.
   
   
9. Sometimes you have to read the story backwards. It was purple.
   
   
10. Mrs Gorf is "frog" spelled backwards. Also, Louis' meanest teacher was Mrs Drazil (Lizard).
    
    
11. Always go up the stairs on the right and down them on the left, so as to avoid traffic jams.
    
    
12. "You need a reason to be sad. You don't need a reason to be happy."
    
    
13. If you're running late for school, always make sure it's not actually a Saturday first.
    
    
14. When Halloween falls on a Sunday, you always celebrate at school the Friday before.
    
15. Socks make you stupid.
    
    
16. You can be free or you can be safe. You can't be both.
    
    
17. "It is very embarrassing to borrow someones pencil and then chew on it."
    
    
18. You'll know you really love a story when you laugh like a giggle box and cry like a leaky faucet.
    
    
19. "There is no Miss Zarves. There is no nineteenth story. Sorry."
    
    
20. When a hippopotamus gets mad, it wriggles its ears. And so does Mrs Gorf.
    
    
21. It's good to be in a group when nobody is strange because nobody is normal.
    
    
22. Cows will walk up 30 flights of stairs, but you can't get them to walk back down again.
    
23. The "Pet Day" chapter in Wayside School Gets a Little Stranger will make you want to do logic puzzles. Curb this desire. Or get out your paper and pencil.
    


24. "Door" is a bad word. From now on, use the word "goozack".
    
    
25. If you do something bad in elementary school and your teacher writes it down in her blue notebook, it will follow you for the rest of your life.
    
26. Babies don't think in words.
    
    
27. To use the new elevators, take the blue one to go up and the red one to go down. 
    
    
28. You will find these books hysterical even as an adult.
    
    
29. Every other school is way stranger than your own.
    
    
30. The author's name is pronounced "Sacker" not "Satcher".